Just read a blog written by someone random. I was truly touched by all his entries, either on studies or relationships. I don't know why I am so interested in him, but there's something about him which has attracted me a lot. I realised web 2.0 really gives you no privacy. Haha, I found out all I could about him and stumbled upon his blog. His passion for chinese was really impressive. It has made me reflect on myself....

Friends around me should have known that I am having trouble coping with the chinese modules in NUS and I am currently thinking of appealing to MOE for a change of major. I have talked to my sister and she has said something which is 一针见血. She said, "You are someone who is afraid failure and never dare to step out of your comfort zone." This is so true.

My ambitions have been changing... changing to the tracks which I deemed I am most suitable for. However... is this really the case?

I went JSS because I was afraid of competition in the SAP schools and I'd rather study in a school with familiar faces and no special stream. I chose a triple-science class because all my friends were there. I chose JJC also because of my friends and the less-competitive environment. I took up the MOE LEP scholarship for the money. I chose NUS FASS because I got C for my GP and did not dare to apply for Mass Comm. in NTU. I chose to take up the MOE Teaching scholarship because my teacher mentors complimented me, and for the prestige of it. However, now I want to give up on Chinese because it is too difficult.

I have received an invitation from University Scholars Programme due to a recommendation by my English professor, Dr. Hiramoto. She is one of the most admirable teacher whom I have met. But once again, I have decided to turn it down because I don't think that I could cope with the stress and the additional modules I have to take if I were a U scholar. I have till 30th Nov to finalise my decision but I doubt I have the courage to take up this challenge.

Sigh. I feel totally ashamed of myself. I was never willing to do something which I have no confidence in. However, he is trying so hard to achieve his goals and yet I am whining and lamenting. Moreover, his blog entries are full of hope and meaningful content while mine is simply full of lamentations. How shallower can I be?

I am really wondering if I should take up the challenge and continue studying Chinese...